Reflections

It is New Year's Eve.
I guess it is normal on this day to reflect. To ponder. To look ahead.
This year is the first year in awhile that I haven't been counting down the minutes to the New Year, the fresh start. 2014 was an alright year.
It wasn't perfect. In fact, it started with a devastating loss-one that I know my family and I will always feel. It is a loss that has forced me to answer very tough questions, especially from my little girl. It is also a loss that brought me and my family closer to God. It is a loss that allowed me to see God working through other people. It is a loss that forced me to allow others to do for me, to be a blessing to me. It is a loss that gave my sons the opportunity to give to me. Given the choice, I would still choose to not have experienced the loss. But I can still see how God has worked in my life and the lives of others through the loss.
This year I have watched my oldest mature and grow into a young man of whom I am quite proud. I have always been proud of him, but this year I can really see the man he is becoming. I have been able to watch him excel at two jobs and learn enough about himself to learn what he might want to do with his life.
I have gotten to watch my younger son learn more about himself as well--and to make some very grown up decisions about his life. And I have watched my daughter's faith continue to grow through her prayer life--even when the answer is no or not yet.
I have learned so much about and from my kids this year.
This year I continued to grow closer to my husband, and I actually have learned more about having a Biblical marriage as well. I have finally realized the importance of putting my husband before my kids, and I am working on it.
Most importantly, I have finally figured out that my being where I am is no accident. These kids didn't happen by accident. I didn't just stumble into this life.  I definitely don't do it all right all the time, and when I try to do it on my own, things don't go well. But even when I make mistakes, I am where He intends me to be.
I still have so much to learn. I still struggle with doing a consistent daily devotion and praying as much as I sometimes think I "should." I still deal with mommy guilt and mommy doubt and all those other "Am I good enough" questions.
But something about this year has just been different. I am excited about 2015--not because I am so ready for 2014 to be done but because I am excited to see what 2015 holds.
Someone told me once that her 40's were her favorite decade. When she said it, I couldn't believe it. It seemed so old, so far away. Hahaha. Now I get it. Well, I don't really get it, but I identify with it. I don't know what it is about my 40's. I am just different. I guess maybe part of it is that I finally stopped trying to change the people and circumstances around me. I decided to stop spending the majority of time with people I wanted to change and instead started spending time with people I enjoy just the way they are. I have realized that there are some people I will always be able to count on and some I will never be able to count on (and being related by blood doesn't always have anything to do with it). I have stopped trying to move the people in the never column into the always column. That doesn't mean I can't still talk to and have a relationship with the people in the never column...it just means it isn't the same kind of relationship I will have with the people in the always column. I have realized that God has provided me with the people I need in my life...but all the people in my life aren't necessarily there because I need them. I realized that if I am not happy with something, then maybe I am the one who needs to change.
 I have finally learned that if the voice I am hearing in my head is tearing me down, then that is not God. I have learned that God doesn't deal in guilt trips. I have learned that I will never have it all together, and that is okay. If I was perfect or could achieve perfection on my own, then there would have been no reason for the Cross.
I can't really say that 2014 had fewer ups and downs than previous years. I guess perception is important. And I am thankful for the ways God has given me to look at my life this year.
I am excited about 2015. I am excited about what God has planned. I am excited to find out what he has for me to do this year.
I still don't plan to have it all together. I know I will make plenty of mistakes. I know I will fail...sometimes little and sometimes big. But I know I won't be alone.
Happy 2015 everyone. Let's do this!

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I think one reason is that it kicks off a lengthy holiday season, but there are other reasons as well.
There are no "requirements" for this holiday, aside from having food. There are no stockings or baskets to fill. There are no candles to light or presents to buy. There is no candy to buy. There is no place to go to swat bugs and watch fireworks.
Please don't get me wrong. I really enjoy all of the holidays I just mentioned. I just like Thanksgiving more.
With the exception of Black Friday (which now begins on Thursday, something I won't be getting into at this time), Thanksgiving is completely non-commercialized. We don't have required Thanksgiving apparel or songs...it is completely about the people...and the food.
I love spending the day in the kitchen making the dishes that we only have once or twice a year. It really doesn't make sense that I don't get completely stressed out in the kitchen. I usually do make a list, based on how long each dish takes to prepare, to plan out the day. Beyond that, my mom and I just do what we need to do. It amazes me that there are times when just getting a regular dinner on the table can almost push me over the edge, but I can put a Thanksgiving Feast together with little to no stress. Isn't that strange?
Not really. I think it all has to do with attitude. Perspective. During the week, there are places to be and things to do and sometimes dinner is just one more thing that has to be accomplished. Not so with Thanksgiving.
On Thanksgiving, it is all about the meal...no rushing to go anywhere. It is all a labor of love and gratitude. The friends and family members who join us bring dishes as well. And the entire day is spent laughing and talking and sharing and...being thankful. Isn't that really the bottom line?
During this time of the year, we are reminded to be thankful. It is hard not to be reminded when you're saying Thanksgiving several times a day leading up to the big day.
Doesn't that just change everything? When we focus on what we have instead of what we don't have...when we look at all the good stuff instead of thinking about the bad...it is much easier to have the right attitude and act accordingly.
I love Thanksgiving. I love being surrounded by family and friends in a home filled with the smells of amazing dishes. I love hearing the kids of all ages talking and playing and laughing. I love seeing the parade, and then football, on the TV, even if the volume is turned down.
How different would my life be if I could somehow be as thankful on Friday as I am on Thursday? And the next day? And the next?
Can you imagine how different life would be if we could focus daily on all that we have rather than what we don't have?
Please don't misunderstand me. I know there are bad things happening everywhere all the time. I know there are people out of work and in trouble and dealing with hunger and loss.
I also know that God calls us to give thanks always...to praise Him always...He doesn't say we have to like everything that happens to us or every situation we are in...He just tells us to be thankful while we are there.
That is my challenge to myself. Every time I start to grumble, I want to replace it with something I am thankful for. When I am about to lose my mind because my daughter has been talking constantly form sun-up to sundown, I am going to be thankful that I have a healthy, amazing daughter who wants to talk to me. When the kids are fighting and driving me crazy, or getting along and driving me crazy, I am going to be thankful that I have them here with me where I can hear them annoying me. When my husband does something that gets on my nerves, I am going to be thankful that I have a husband who works to support this family and who loves me and his children. When I am driving (Oh, this is a big one for me), and someone does something that aggravates me, I am going to try to be thankful that I have a car to drive to begin with. When the laundry just won't stop, I am going to be thankful for the clothes we have, and when I notice how much I have to do to clean the house, I am going to be thankful that I have a home.
I know I will fail and fall short. But when I do, I am going to be thankful for a God who forgives with his amazing grace. I know the hard times will still come, but I am going to be thankful for my faith.
Want to join me on this challenge? How could we change the world with a little more thankfulness instead of "wanting more-ness"? Who knows? It's worth a shot.

Real Christians

When I started this blog, I didn't intend to write an entire post about my faith. I knew my faith would be evident throughout my other posts because it is who I am. I didn't think I would actually write a post about Christianity primarily. Quite honestly, today I felt led to do so. It started while in the car with my daughter listening to a Christian radio station. I had heard the song before, and I have always liked it; however, today it just begged for a response from me. I think it's only fair to reveal the song and some of its lyrics.

Do Something by Matthew West
"I woke up this morning
Saw a world full of trouble now
Thought, how’d we ever get so far down
How’s it ever gonna turn around
So I turned my eyes to Heaven
I thought, 'God, why don’t You do something?'
Well, I just couldn’t bear the thought of
People living in poverty
Children sold into slavery
The thought disgusted me
So, I shook my fist at Heaven
Said, 'God, why don’t You do something?'
He said, 'I did, I created you'

If not us, then who
If not me and you
Right now, it’s time for us to do something
If not now, then when
Will we see an end
To all this pain
It’s not enough to do nothing
It’s time for us to do something

I’m so tired of talking
About how we are God’s hands and feet
But it’s easier to say than to be
Live like angels of apathy who tell ourselves
It’s alright, 'somebody else will do something'
Well, I don’t know about you
But I’m sick and tired of life with no desire
I don’t want a flame, I want a fire
I wanna be the one who stands up and says,
'I’m gonna do something'"

I guess maybe this is one way for me to do something. I am watching Christianity become more and more hated, more and more controversial. I have actually started seeing the persecution of Christians here in this country, and even in the proverbial "Bible Belt." I believe one of the biggest problems is that so many of us don't "do something." Sometimes that something might be as simple as standing up and saying what we believe. So...here I go.

Here are some things I have heard throughout the years. "Christians are hypocrites." "Christians are judgmental." "Christians hate (fill in name of group here)."

I would like to address these statements.

"Christians are hypocrites."

Why, yes, yes we are. We are that a whole lot more. We are sinners. At this point, I will shift to the pronoun "I." I don't want to assume anything about anyone else. I mess up. I expect certain behaviors from my children, and sometimes I don't model the same behavior. I get road rage. I sometimes use words I shouldn't use. 

"Christians are judgmental."

This one is tricky, so let's look at it from two different directions. First, yes, I can be judgmental. I can hear a parent yelling at his child harshly in the store and think bad thoughts, and then yell at my own kids in the van on the way home. I consider that to be judgmental. Second, I can be caring. Yes, caring. It has gotten to the point where if a Christian sees someone participating in an activity that is dangerous in whatever way and addresses it, that Christian is judgmental. We have become a world where anyone can do anything and as long as no one appears to be getting hurt, then it is fine. Here is the problem with that: people do get hurt. Maybe a solid example will help because I am starting to confuse myself. If I have a friend who is struggling with her marriage, a marriage that has problems but nothing like abuse or infidelity, and I encourage her to try to make it work, if I warn her about the consequences of divorce, I am not being judgmental. I am being caring. If I notice the child of a friend misbehaving, and I address the behavior or discuss it with the parent, I am not being judgmental. I am loving them. Now, I know sometimes we get a bad rap because we base our "suggestions" on our own personal opinions or beliefs. Unless we have been asked for our opinion, that might be a problem. However, if we are coming from a Biblical standpoint, then we are doing what the Bible tells us we should do. And a quick aside, as a Christian, if someone comes to me in that way, I also need to be careful as to how I receive it. I need to listen. 

"Christians hate..."

I guess this one is related to being judgmental. There are people who call themselves Christians but speak and act out of hatred. That is not okay. But assuming that all Christians are like those few is no better than assuming everyone from the Middle East is a radical Islamist. Take a moment to look at all the good Christians have done. Most of the time, Christians are out doing good to do good, to love others as we have been loved, not for the recognition. Please trust me when I tell you that there is a lot of good going on out there. It just doesn't hit the news. True Christians do not hate any group of people. We hate sin. Our sin. All sin. We don't hate people. I know this one is tough. It has gotten to the point that if we don't like something someone is doing then we must hate that person. Wow. Talk about extreme. 

It occurs to me here that Christians are being forced to change their vocabulary, what they read in public, and so many other things because someone might find it offensive. But when a Christian expresses having a problem with something, anything, someone else is doing, that Christian is being judgmental and hateful and sometimes even hypocritical. Wow...all three in one.

So what makes me different? How, as a Christian, am I different than anyone else? I have already admitted I am a sinner who messes up on a regular basis. I am forgiven. And because I am forgiven, because God sent his only son to earth to die on a cross for my sins, I am compelled to extend that grace to others. I mess up at that sometimes, too. God is a just God. And he couldn't just forget about all this stuff we do against Him. For centuries, people have tried to follow God's law on their own. It hasn't worked out very well. But He loves us. He wants to have a relationship with us. So he sent Jesus to die on the cross, and Jesus became the atoning sacrifice for everyone who will believe in Him. 

"I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:7

Wow. That sounds so limiting. It isn't. It's there for anyone. 

Why do I believe? How do I believe? This is confusing. It's like a cycle. Do I believe because I have faith or do I have faith because I believe? I don't have all the answers. But I know who does. 

Like me, my life is not perfect. We live in a fallen world. God doesn't cause bad things to happen, but he does allow them. I don't understand his plan, but it isn't for me to understand. I understand that every time I desperately needed to go across the country to be with my cousin when her son was fighting brain cancer, the money appeared. Every time she said she needed me, the money appeared. It happened over and over again. It didn't rain down from the sky, but we would suddenly have it. My husband would get a bonus we weren't expecting, for example. One time, friends from church helped make it happen. But it happened. I have a life full of examples like that. 

There are Christians in my life I like. There are Christians I don't like (gasp). There are non-Christians I don't like. There are non-Christians I like (gasp). Becoming a Christian didn't elevate my status as a person. It didn't make me better than anyone else. I do strive to live a better life. I do try to live by God's commands in the Bible, but I fall short repeatedly. Hence, the need for the cross. 

I am a sinner. But I am a forgiven sinner.

I praise God for that. I don't do nice things because I have to in order to be forgiven. It was totally free! For me. I didn't pay the price; Jesus did.

Reformed People Pleaser (sometimes)

I am a reformed people pleaser. Sometimes. Wouldn't it be nice to have a support group for people pleasers? Hi, my name is Wendy and I am a people pleaser. Then everyone could reply, hello, Wendy. And I would be accepted...but now I am rethinking that idea. Because by definition, those people would be pleased that I am there, so by going to these meetings, I would then be pleasing people. Ahhhh!!!

Of course, pleasing people is not the problem. The problem is within me. The problem is my overwhelming desire to please people. The problem is that when I am in people pleasing mode, I will put the approval of others over almost anything else.

I got good grades in school. Of course I did. If not, then I would have let someone down. For years, my desire to please people has influenced every aspect of my life. It has influenced my relationships. It has influenced my decisions. A few years ago, I realized it was also infringing upon my parenting. And I discovered something very unsettling. I didn't like it.

It took a series of tragic circumstances in my life to make me take a hard look at the way I was living my life...and the way my choices were influencing my children. First, I pretty much put everyone ahead of my family. Not okay.  Second, I was putting the opinions of others above my children.

Today I did a Bible study that mentioned that as moms, one thing we need to do is surround ourselves with people who see our children as God sees them. What a nugget of parenting gold. That summed up, for me, the changes I have made over the past few years. I was so worried about having children that were not well received by others, "those" children that people did not want to be around. Instead of people who saw the good in my children, I chose to listen to people who were more than willing to point out their flaws...as if I did not already know what those were. When someone would compliment my children, I almost took it as a grain of salt, rather than something to treasure.

It gets worse. I was so concerned about other people and their opinions of my family and me, that I would transfer my people pleasing obsession onto my children. I was constantly telling them to be careful of this or that so no one would think anything bad. Answer some questions in the class but not too many because you don't want anyone to think you're trying to take charge. If you do too good of a job at that activity, you might hurt someone's feelings, so be careful. Some people might not understand your intentions if you take charge, so maybe you should back off. Don't, don't don't.

Obviously, I don't want my children to hurt others. That is not the same as pleasing others. As for my children, and myself, we need to concern ourselves with pleasing God. That is all. It is okay for my kids to shine. It is okay for me to enjoy it when they do.

I actually went to my oldest child the other day and apologized for the way I acted in the past. I hope he had already noticed the changes I had made, but I wanted him to know. I wanted him to know that  I knew what I had done and that I did not want to do it anymore. I have said it before, and I will say it again, My kids aren't perfect. But they are perfect for me. God put us together. I trust that He knew what he was doing. And I will continue to endeavor to surround myself with people who see my children as God sees them.

Letting Go Or Giving Up?

I have a problem. I am, by nature, a control freak. I didn't ask to be. I don't mean to be. I don't want to be. I am trying not to be.

For the last few years, I have been praying a lot about my control issues. And I have been trying to get better at giving things to God, letting go. I have been trying to rest in Him and cast my cares on Him. I have been trying to recognize my children as His and to pray for guidance in raising them. Well, I guess I have been doing that all along, but I have been really trying to listen and seek His will for my children.

In the last year especially, I think I have made real progress. I feel myself going to Him as a natural response before heading straight for the land of anxiety and stress. I really do find comfort. I really do feel a peace that transcends understanding.

Here is where my questions lie. I am going to try to explain without going in circles, but quite often that is where my mind goes when I think on these things.

This is an example I have heard many times. If you are in need of a job, you pray about it. You pray everyday. You don't go anywhere to fill out applications. You don't fill out any applications online. You don't make any phone calls. You just sit on your couch and pray for a job. I am not about to say that it isn't possible for the job to find you. However, when I have heard this example, the whole point has been that while prayer should be the first thing you do, it isn't the only thing you need to do. That makes perfect sense to me.

So here is where the circles begin. If there is an issue in my life with one of my children, I pray and give it to God. I have peace. I keep praying. I begin to think of things I can do, ways to check up on the situation, ways to insert myself into the situation. Holy Spirit? Here is why I don't think so. Those ideas come with their own brand of stress and anxiety. Those ideas do not come as gentle commands. It becomes more of an obsession. And I keep praying. But I also begin to wonder, "Am I giving up?" "Am I taking the easy way out?"

When does "letting go" become "giving up"? Is that even possible? I don't think so. I think I get confused because in spite of the situation not changing and not being resolved, I still have a peace about it. That confuses me. And I feel like I cannot possibly be doing my part if I am perfectly fine, but the situation is not. Wow. See how my mind works?! Exhausting, I know.

I do not have the answers. I am pretty sure that the whole giving things to God way...that is the way to go. I am pretty sure when those anxious, stressed and obsessive feelings fight their way back in...that isn't from God. I am pretty sure that those obsessive thoughts are born out of my own fears of failing. And those fears are powerful. I know...my God is more powerful. I sure wish knowing that in my head made it easier to follow through with my actions.

Please feel free to chime in. Please let me know I am not the only one with these struggles. Please let me know that letting go is not giving up.

Qualities of a "Good" Mom

What are the qualities of a good mom? I am sure if you ask this question of ten moms, you would get ten different answers. There might be some common answers, but I think there would be a lot more that are different.

How do we even list the qualities of a good mom? Here is how I determine my "goodness" (I do not recommend this method). I watch other moms. Then I compare. Well, I do that better than her. Wow, she is really good at that. Maybe that is something I should work on. Oh my, did you hear how she spoke to her child in public? I would never do that. Did you know that mom never raises her voice? I guess I should try to be more like her.

The comparisons go on and on. And it is exhausting.

Here is what I think is the biggest problem with my method...or at least one of the biggest problems. The kids God gave me to raise are not those other moms' kids. And their kids? Not mine.

Now, I know there are moms out there who do some things much better than I do. That does not make me less of a good mom. I am not little Miss Crafty. We will not be doing an organized craft everyday. I am not always relaxed enough to let my kids do things that will create chaos and messes. Sometimes, I am that mom. Sometimes I am not. When I am that mom, they sure do appreciate it. I do raise my voice. I try not to. I pray about it. It is important for me to mention that when I raise my voice, I am not saying hurtful, hateful things. I am just expressing myself more loudly than previously in order to assure that I have been heard. One of my biggies is, "Knock it off!!!" This statement usually follows several quieter requests for whatever desired behavior to stop.

The bottom line is this. What are the qualities of a good mom? Love God first. Love the children. With God's help, do your best. And we need to stop beating up ourselves (and other moms) for not measuring up to whatever measuring stick we have created in our own minds.

My Mixed-Up Prayer Life

I have come to a realization. Way too often, my prayer life focuses on other people when I should be focusing on myself. Let me clarify. Obviously, I pray for other people in the ways that I should...praying for health, for salvation. That is not what I am talking about. I am talking about the prayers I pray trying to fix everyone. Well, not everyone. Pretty much just my children.

There is a pattern. Life is good. Prayer life good. Devotions good. Something happens with one of my children. Here comes the fear, worry, anxiety. Of course, I can fix it or him or her. Of course I am supposed to fix it. Let them learn from their own mistakes? Let them suffer natural consequences? Why would I do that when I can participate in giving them the perfect life I believe they should have?

Of course, my efforts are in vain. This life isn't perfect. But it takes me awhile to admit defeat. Here is where my prayers begin to shift. "Dear Lord, please change this about this child. I know life would be so much easier if this child didn't have to deal with (insert issue here)." The prayers continue. Sometimes I even start explaining to God why it is a good idea to answer these prayers. "This child could better serve you if you fix this." "Please fix this for me because then I will stop worrying. I know worrying is wrong. If you will take care of this then I won't have to worry."

Wow. Ouch. It hurts to reread these words. In my head, I know I need to be praying for me and my issues. "Lord, please forgive my lack of faith. Please forgive my anxious heart. Please increase my faith. Please give me wisdom." Yep. That is more like it. I know this. So why do I fall back into those other ruts time and time again? I know why. I do. But it is still frustrating.

I love my children. But I need to be careful with the "my" that precedes children. Because they really belong to God. Knowing how much I love them and how much I want them to have a good life, I know that the love God has for them is incomprehensible. It is when I get too wrapped up in the "my" that I allow that fear, worry and anxiety to creep in.

I do want to do right by my children. But more importantly, I want to do right by God. And his idea of my doing right does not always coincide with my ideas. When I fall on my knees and cry out to God for His children, seeking His will for them and not mine, praying for my faith to be increased, asking for guidance, only then can I get this mixed-up prayer life back the way it should be.

This Is All I Have to Give

This is all I have to give. These are not words I speak aloud, at least not very often, and only to a close friend during a very trying time. These are words I am more likely to speak to myself...at the end of a day filled with what I consider to be failures...or right in the middle of a plan or situation that is disintegrating right before my eyes. These are not encouraging words when used in this context. These are the words of a mom who is trying so hard...trying to have a productive day...trying to juggle an over-filled calendar...trying to give the kids a fun day filled with activities....just trying...and not succeeding, at least not in her eyes.

I know I am not alone. I make a plan. I am excited about the plan. The day begins. Then in the midst of it, one child says, "Do we have to go today?" Another says, "Can I just go to a friend's house?" There goes all the air out of my Mommy balloon.

Or let's just assume the day goes as planned. I am excited and content, satisfied that everything I have planned happened and happened without any issues. Then I am thinking, time to relax. And then..."Wait, I thought we were going to do..." or "Can one more friend come over?" or "Are these all the snacks you got?"
Hello deflated balloon.

Let me share one recent example.
My daughter had 3 friends spending the night. My younger son had 2 friends spending the night, and my older son had a friend spending the night. Let's not stop to analyze my sanity. Let's just move on. It was a Sunday night. I tutor on Mondays, and on this particular Monday, I had to pick up a friend from the airport. I knew I had to have a plan. I went to the store and got snacks for the evening, both sweet and salty. Then I went ahead and mixed up pancake batter and made pancakes for the morning. I put them in the fridge and let everyone know they could just heat them up in the microwave the next morning because I would be gone to the airport. Wow. I have to admit, I was a little impressed with myself. I thought ahead and tried to plan for everything. The next morning I went to airport, picked up my friend and took her home. I arrived home with 20 minutes to spare before my tutoring student would arrive.
And then I walked into my house. Chaos. The girls had decided to embellish breakfast by making toast (with pancakes?! and with my last loaf of bread?!) and fruit salad (with the last apple, banana and pear...and which was not eaten). The boys were waiting to eat because the girls wanted to play restaurant with them. And my entire kitchen floor was sticky.

This is the point of the story where I would love to be able to say that I smiled and joined in to help out. I would love to say that I decided I could tutor my student at the picnic table outside, so that they could continue with their fun. Yep. I would love to say that is how I reacted. Instead I whispered those words to myself...That was all I had to give.

I didn't scream. What I did might have been worse. I used that quiet, tight-lipped voice. Know the one? The one that really conveys, "I am a half a step away from losing it completely, so don't push me any farther." The boys ate quickly, and I began cleanup. My floor was covered in sweet tea...except for the part that had the puddle of Swiffer Wet Jet cleaner...the rest of my Swiffer Wet Jet cleaner. My tutoring student was 10 minutes early, so she got to see me at my, well, not at my best.

Not only did I end up cleaning the floor on my hands and knees that day, but I also spent a ridiculous amount of time beating myself up about my reaction. We moms are really so good at that.

I could give many more examples, and I am sure you could as well, but that is not where the story ends. There is more. This is all I have to give...now rearrange the words. I have all this to give. What? Thank God for giving me all I need. When I go to Him before reacting, my reactions are so different. And I know this. But it is a lesson I learn over and over again. God has not given me this husband and these children and said, "Okay, good luck with that. I will check in on you later if I have a minute." He is with me all the time. He gives me all I need...I just have to remember to ask.

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My responses to Proverbs 31 OBS Week 2

So I have been asked to share some truths about my life.

• I love being a stay at home mom.
• I love my husband more today than the day I married him.
• I struggle with keeping a consistent quiet time.
• I struggle with turning over control to God in many areas but especially when it comes to my children. I so want to make their lives perfect and pain free. I want to control their circumstances. That has gotten harder as they have gotten older, and now one of my biggest struggles is stepping back and allowing my 17 year old to make his own decisions...and mistakes. 
• I pray and pray and pray, but when God's timing isn't mine, I get frustrated. 
• I almost made a huge mistake today. We have a great neighborhood with lots of little girls, but my daughter and 3 others tend to do stay the nights very regularly. Tonight she found out one was spending the night at the others and she was not invited. She was sad. I wanted to fix it. I know if I called the mom and told her the situation, my daughter would be invited. I was hurting so much for my daughter. I know nothing was done out of malice, but the result was the same. Then another little girl came over and asked my daughter to spend the night with her. As she was getting her stuff together, I tried to make a life lesson. "See? Sometimes when we are so sad that one thing doesn't happen, we have to realize that God might have something else planned for us." Then these jewels of wisdom came out of my little girl's mouth. "Oh, I am not upset about that. It is okay for them to spend time together without me. I have no reason to be jealous. I know we are best friends, too." So, who got the life lesson? Me. I do thank God that I didn't  take that bottle of ketchup I had borrowed over to that house just to see if an invitation would be extended. My goodness. See? Major control issues. But I am trying!

Well, there are some truths for you. I am sure there are many more I could share, but I will stop there for tonight. 

Let me introduce myself...

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Wendy, and I am a wannabe supermom (in my head, I am hearing, "Hello, Wendy," like in a support group). In case you do not understand what I mean by wannabe supermom, let me briefly explain. I love being a mom. I love being a stay-at-home wife and homeschooling mom. I have good intentions, and I come up with amazing plans and ideas. However, I fall short of my expectations of myself...a lot. I have discovered that when I do fall short and that disappointment in myself creeps in, or floods in, depending on the day, it colors the way I do everything until I can pick myself back up.
I had never considered writing a blog until one of my dearest friends (more of a sister, really) from college suggested it during one of our annual college friends get-togethers. We always share our lives with one another, and she just stopped one day and said, "You should really write about your experiences." And so the seed was planted.
Then last week I started an online Bible study from the Proverbs 31 ministry. Again and again, the leaders mention, "Comment on this in your blog and share your blog address with us or leave a comment here if you don't have a blog." And the seed grew.
So, here I am. I don't know if anyone will read it, but I love to write, so either way, I am fine.
More information about me...I have been married for 19 years, and we have 3 children together (17-year-old boy, 13-year-old boy and 8-year-old girl). My husband has 2 boys from his first marriage who are now adults.
My husband and I graduated from high school together, but we really didn't know each other until years later. We met through mutual friends. He was in the Navy, and I was in college. We dated for just over a year and then married. We lived in a small town in Georgia for 5 years, and then we returned "home" to the Charleston area of South Carolina, where we still live. We have been in the same house since 1999. As 2 former navy brats, it was very important to us to raise our children in the same place. He got out of the Navy with 12 years in and just retired from the Reserves last year. I taught for 3 years in Georgia and then 5 years in SC (high school English and Newspaper).
I have been home with my children since 2004.
We are starting our 9th year homeschooling this year.
We attend a Presbyterian church where I sing on the worship team and my husband is a deacon.
We are conservative Republicans, but I am not intending for this to be a political blog.
I guess that is enough for now. I am very excited about my first endeavor as a blogger. Here we go!